You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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