just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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