please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
