If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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