Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize