i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
