Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
