I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
