she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
