so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
