Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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