Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
