I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize