I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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