stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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