You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
