I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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