Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
