Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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