I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize