a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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