Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
