I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
