Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
