Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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