i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
