Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
