TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
