come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
