we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
