I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
