If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
