Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
