I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm really busy with my period
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