so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
