First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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