not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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