I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
