tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
