He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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