maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
