I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
