So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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