i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
