I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
