halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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