theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
