Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
