that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
