I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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