Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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