Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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