JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
