I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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