I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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