he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk is not a location!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
