I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is it because I queefed?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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