I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you had me at cake vodka
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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