I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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