I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
