Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
