I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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